i'm the problem

i'm one of those dreamers who wants to change the world - i was even confident about the possibility but now, having actually visited "that world" i realize that "the change" i really need to make is far more personal. it's NOW about me and my life verses ruth and her life. i was 200 hundred pounds over-weight (over-eating all my life), living in a house valued at a quarter million, 30 acres, horses, closets full of clothes, and stuff everywhere. over-consuming.

and i look at ruth's life - she's living in a house with one room, with 6-7 others, no electricity, no running water, her skin is parched (lucy thinks she may have aids) her parents died from it - God, she's so tiny, she's like 11 but she looks no more then 7-8. she shows all the signs of malnutrition and she has had a stick lodged in her ear - for the last 2 years. they can't afford to take her to a doctor.

me vs. ruth - to see this and say it's not fair is such an understatement. even to say it's wrong is not quite getting to it. it's evil. and it's not the world trade organization, it's not about the effects of imperialism a hundred years ago or 40 years ago - or this or that government or this or that ideology. it's me. i'm the problem. i don't need to change the world i need to change me.