lost files

:( i lost a lot of files to my film and other things. pretty sure i know what happened. one morning while working on one of the somali pieces and i deleted stuff to make render space believing i was backed up. there is an option in final cut, i thought it only eliminated render files - it was far more. i have been able to recover a fair amount but only beginning to realize how much is gone. i was just going to go to bed, but instead i will start the process of recreating all that's lost. i fear it's hundreds of hours of work.

upside down

i think the biggest risk one takes by going, by volunteering isn't malaria or one form of crime or another, it's losing your life completely, having your life irrevocably changed. it's returning and struggling with overwhelming issues, fairness, justice, love, and I think mostly "what must I now do?" how can I move forward in ways that will honor it all? and here's the hardest part - i can't do it! no matter how hard i work, no matter what i do, it'll never be enough... that's the greatest risk. it's impossible to honor properly, and it's impossible to move on and feel you are doing enough. and someone you love is going to be hurt for sure, whether it's family here or family there. in the sum of all things i'd say this - i'd rather be here struggling with this - then to be living selfishly. i've completed 2 of the 3 hard animations - one to go, i'm in the thick of editing danny of TFC's interview, there's lot's to do, but it feels like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...