i'm the problem

i'm one of those dreamers who wants to change the world - i was even confident about the possibility but now, having actually visited "that world" i realize that "the change" i really need to make is far more personal. it's NOW about me and my life verses ruth and her life. i was 200 hundred pounds over-weight (over-eating all my life), living in a house valued at a quarter million, 30 acres, horses, closets full of clothes, and stuff everywhere. over-consuming.

and i look at ruth's life - she's living in a house with one room, with 6-7 others, no electricity, no running water, her skin is parched (lucy thinks she may have aids) her parents died from it - God, she's so tiny, she's like 11 but she looks no more then 7-8. she shows all the signs of malnutrition and she has had a stick lodged in her ear - for the last 2 years. they can't afford to take her to a doctor.

me vs. ruth - to see this and say it's not fair is such an understatement. even to say it's wrong is not quite getting to it. it's evil. and it's not the world trade organization, it's not about the effects of imperialism a hundred years ago or 40 years ago - or this or that government or this or that ideology. it's me. i'm the problem. i don't need to change the world i need to change me.

i wish

do you ever just sit down in front of your computer - and open up a doc or a blog and look at that blank page and wish that you could say something amazing? something that will inspire people to take action? something that will make people care a little more? give a little more?

i do.

a plan

i hope i'm back on track with the film. i actually have a plan in mind now. here it is.

mornings at caribou to work on the jarka texting animations (or the occasional blog :) about 7.5 hours per week.

lunch hour will be spent on all my other obligations:

chazonAfrica.org
melonAfrica.org
somaliapeace.org
bravaNutra

that's 5 hours per week

evenings editing the film and creating the art for the feature animations - i need to stay up later. this is the toughest challenge - i'm up at 4 am everyday. but i'm going to commit to 4 hours per evening - 20 hours per week.

weekends: 10 hrs of building renovation there's two hours of driving in there. leave by 7 am - home by 5pm - - 20 hrs per weekend.
2 hours of editing in the morning 5 when i get home.
6 hours of sleep per night

NO FREE TIME:

41.5 hours of film work per week
5 hours of outside web/project work per week
20 hours of building restoration per week
48 hours of mayo clinic work
42 hours of sleep

that's 156.5 hours per week - hmm... there are 168 hours per week - may have to rethink the plan, but for now this is it :)

it's been a great two weeks

i took off some time from work to get some editing done on the film and also (in theory) to close on a building i'm buying. it needs a ton of work but it'll be fun :)

i was suppose to close on the building on aug 1st - the first day of my vacation and that didn't work out. it's a good thing though as i really needed to get the film editing under way... and i have had solid full days of editing which have really put me back in africa. and it's a great place to be and the film is coming out quite well - i have plenty of b-roll and the comments from folks are amazing. how to make it into a story "the story" of "IVing" is the challenge.

i'm taking this morning off from the editing as i need to do a final walk thru of the property at 12:30 - then the closing is at 2:00 - then i'm going straight to the property to build a couple of temp. walls. the plan is for the building to serve as a film / photo / art studio. it's perfect for that with some work... i just didn't feel comfortable sitting at home - i'm at panera and will work on the annimation sequences for the typed correspondance between myself and one particular volunteer :) since we didn't meet in africa her entire role in the film is going to be animated.

my goal is to have the film completed by dec 15th - it's looking unrealistic but this vacation time has helped - i still need to do a lot of filming even on top of the annimation work (i will now need to do that by myself :( also - the filming of the "farewll circuit" or at least a few of the bands members/family. incredible story there - and speaking of the farewell circuit i got a bunch of new music from them and it's so awesome - music is such a huge part of the success of any film, and this music is top notch! well enough blogging time to jump into annimating jarks and my letters!

better human beings make better anythings :)

i have recently purchased a new iPad, the aps for filmmaking are so cool and it's so much cheaper then buying all these other devices. in one small lightweight device i now have a clapboard, a story-boarding drawing pad, a telepromter and so much more... it's actually pretty amazing. so when i was purchasing the iPad Apple asked would i like to "engrave" something on my iPad? it was free and i thought why not? i thought about many different things to put on it, from practical things like contact info - to goofy stuff, but since this was being bought for filmmaking (a tool for filmmaking) i decided to quote myself.

"better human beings make better films"

it's been an amazing experience and certain decisions about how i have approached this film project have proven to be filled with incredible benefits. i have been discussing some of these benefits with other filmmakers and friends lately. one key decision about this project was that it would be a non-profit project and also that i wouldn't even recover my expenses. this has resulted in an incredible willingness on the part of others to collaborate. perhaps the most significant benefit from a financial perspective. this in turn of course is making a far better film another great benefit - but beyond all this is that i have become a far better human being, much more action in all i do. i have always been fairly aware but now i'm actively engaged in change. the desire to do has always been there just not much real doing.

so this is the biggest benefit - self improvement. i now know that all the films i do going forward will be better then they would have otherwise been because i'm better. it'll effect everything from the topics i chose to make films about to how i handle profits to how i handle the topics themselves - all these things will be better... i hope this won't come off as bragging or pride, it's not that... it's actually humbling because it comes with the recognition that i'm very late to this realization :(

and in a bigger view - better human beings make better anythings :)

better human beings make better vets, better firemen, better bankers, better doctors, better mothers, better anythings!

live everyday as if it were your last - my blog.

i made a silly comment to a coworker, we were both off for lunch and i told him he should enjoy his lunch because it may be his last. - of course i was just trying to be funny but then it stuck with me - i was on my way to starbucks, were i'd have a coffee for lunch. so the first thing that i had to question was would i go to starbucks if i knew it was my last lunch? coffee for lunch? what about chesters? well i didn't have to think about this one for too long - i'd go to starbucks, because i have friends their :)

besides when it comes to living like everyday is your last can you really apply that notion to eating? without gaining a lot of weight? i think not. beyond lunch or what to eat if i knew toady was my last day i realized that there are a myriad of practical things i need to address. this is valuable. because so much of "this stuff" i should give some serious thought to and really get things in order. like now.

first would be that while i'm not giving as much to chazon as i hope to, i'd have to move quickly to address this after i'm gone. it'd be a quick phone call to my mom i'm thinking, i'd need to get her access to my account, (online or my brother) to be sure that my current rate of giving is maintained, that nancy is maintained, that others who are giving and using the card as a conduit will get all the new contact info. etc. that my brother or mom would understand the process and pick up where i'd be leaving off.

i have an inheritance coming and i'd need to be sure that a share of that would also go to my friends in africa (again a simple call to my mom) - but the details of that and how it might take shape are fairly complicated. but i trust her, if all the details were not worked out at least she'd get the spirit of want i'd want and see that it was carried thru.

i don't have a will yet - eeeekkkk - i don't know what to do here. i think there are some issues or things i'd at least write down - i'd send an email to everyone it would effect and copy all of them - legal? binding? maybe not but in short notice it would be better then nothing.

then there are the websites i'm maintaing the account passwords - these could not lapse - i have all the details and info about these documented by who would i send them too? mom again? i'm not sure. i don't want the sites to go down. they affect the organizations ability to attract volunteers and also to sustain their operations. this would be a priority on my last day. paul krause would be given control. i feel good about that, my mom would be given the financial details and told to send paul a check several times a year. this would take some time to detail out also. paul could work out a contribute process (if he wanted to). paul designed the chazon site. and i know he'd do this, it'd be a major commitment, but he'd do it - it's a comfort.

then there's the film... someone would need to finish the film. OMG - this would be hard to figure out. i'd need to find someone who knows how to use the software, someone who also has the passion for the kids and the organizations, someone who'd be willing to put in the time. there would be all the logistical aspects of this. all my equipment would need to go to "whoever", the monitors, the laptop, all the hard drives (18 of them), i'd need to prep all the files (organize all the files) so that someone could find them. i'd need to leave a little creative brief or something about my vision for the film, i'd need to get someone to agree to all of this. this could easily take the rest of my "last day". what's worse right now is i can't think of anyone who has all the needed skills, the passion and the time.

i'd have to pick someone though. i think john house would be an option. he'd know what he was doing, should have the passion, might have the time. he's the only one who might have all three, i'd call him first. after him - it would be jarka or iraxte, both would have the passion. beyond that - i don't know... hahahaha they'd have a lot to learn.

i would also need to say goodbye to everyone, it's amazing to really think about this. saying goodbye is pretty important but way down on the priority list. it was a good mental exercise to go through. i'm involved with some stuff now that really requires a plan. most of what is on this list could be done well in advance. it's funny because it isn't things like going to see the "northern lights for the first time" or the dreamy stuff you'd hope to do - when i really think about it it's a tone of practical stuff. ok i need to really get these issues planed out agreed to by the folks mentioned and maybe after i get all these things in order i'll rethink what that last day could otherwise look like :)

editing the film :)

it's a nightmare - the file management aspects of a full-length film. i thought today might be the real start - nope! i'm going attempt to get the files organized instead.

July 16th 2008 - DAY's FOUR/FIVE, Jounal-Molo, Kenya

Today was a great day. And yet I’m still a little shaken from yesterday. We are staying in down town Molo. Molo is a very busy little town with many people walking around and engaged in one business or another. The police are present (wearing the same uniforms and carrying the same guns) and I walk near them regularly. It makes me nervous. They call us Mazungo’s which in Kiswahili means white men. We started the day with breakfast and I had two bananas and three cups of African tea. I love the tea and have not been missing my soda at all nor my coffee.

The day began with an introductory meeting with myself, Jordi and Lucy. She was very thorough and covered many practical and some very emotional ground. From the rules of the house to the death of her second son, to the founding of the Chazon Children’s Centre and the church they run. Her and Samuel have made incredible sacrifices to do something great for others, they are truly examples of the finest the earth has to offer in the human form.

After the meeting. Lucy walked us around the town we were shown many things - and Lucy has many friends within Molo. We were shown the internet cafe and the supermarket and much, much more. We then hopped on a matatu for a quick ride to the CCC. It doesn’t take you all the way there - rather it leaves you a ten minute up hill walk. Not so bad for me though, it’s nothing since I’m now in shape. Without the weight loss I could have never made this trip. Let alone endured some of the physical challenges I’m currently facing.

We finally arrived at Chazon. I got to meet the kids for the first time and they are spectacular and they ran to greet Jordi and I and we did our best with some newly acquired words in Kiswahili. Their English was fair, we were shaking hands and asking names and even after these spontaneous, glorious introductions were made the children kept coming! Introducing themselves and falling back, but then pushing forward again just to do it again. If nothing of greater significance results from this trip it will not matter, this alone will have been worth it.

Jordi and I stayed and got to play a little with the kids and we met the rest of the staff, we got a tour of the grounds and buildings. In the back of the school building was a large pile of sand. It was purchased with some of the money I gave. It will be used sometime in August to create a cement floor for one or two classrooms. They are hoping I will still be here to help lay the floors, I also hope to be around when that happens. We came back via matatu it’s a very short ride and just 20 shillings. Then the four of us mazungo’s walked to Lucy’s house and met Jemimah. Jemimah is Lucy’s little girl and so incredible - she’s a promise of God and a miracle too. I won’t go into the story right now but it will likely be in the documentary. We have an early morning departure as tomorrow we will be traveling to Nakuru to purchase text books for the school.

Jordi has brought 12,000 shillings from friends for this purpose. I offered 2,000 more and the two Katties went apart from us to purchase story books - I don’t know how much they spent. I shot many photos of this trip. I purchased a very good point and click camera for the Watoto Wa Barka group and because my Nikon lens is more for close-ups I decided to borrow Geoffrey’s camera in advance - I’m pretty sure he will not mind.

It was a good day over-all. It started early for me as I awoke at 1:30 in the morning. Many thoughts were going through my mind. And I couldn’t sleep. I have to admit that I’m being paranoid but I have had an unending fear that at some point all my equipment will be stolen and all will be lost. This was not helped by the kidnapping. I was asking God why am I here? This is beyond fear - I don’t know how to say this - I was ABSOLUTELY certain I would not be coming back with my stuff. Again the stuff was replaceable - the project and the film (that depended on the stuff) - was not. Why am I here?

If the photos I have been taking are gone - if the notes are gone - if the footage I’m shooting is gone - there would be no website - no film - no reason to be here. WHY AM I HERE? I got an answer. He told me I was here to preach. Not the answer I wanted, but in fact if I were to preach (and I lost everything else) the other stuff wouldn't matter. Where am I too preach? What to preach? I already knew that. It’s the subject of my 5th film (I’m only currently working on films 1 and 2).

It’s a complicated study of the bible and churches and their varied opinions about the bible vs. the reality I know (that of knowing God). Laying there I thought even though I’m not prepared to start that film the content of it could be delivered as a sermon. What to preach was clear, but where? It was a comfort to believe this was the REAL reason for being here. I have not preached in a church since 1992. I'M NOT A PREACHER, I’m an artist and where to preach (in the streets?). I got to sleep.

The following morning - first thing when I got in the car with Lucy (on our way to Nakuru) Lucy asks if I have ever preached and would I consider preaching in two weeks at her church. WOW! What and where are settled. I'll be preaching in an Black Penticostal Church in Kenya.

So now I will be preaching in two weeks. I had previously sent notes on the thoughts behind all this to Jarka (a close friend from the Slovak Republic, an IV currently at WWB) and so I hope I will be able to find them in my old Gmail sent items and this should allow me to do a halfway decent job. Lucy and I talked for sometime when we returned from Nakuru about the film, the web site and God - we are clearly all three on the same page. I’m going to church with Lucy and Samuel tomorrow.

July 16th 2008 - DAY THREE, Jounal-Molo, Kenya

This morning I will go to shop in Nairobi. Pick up some more stuff for the kids and also an electric skillet for Lucy. I’m staying with Elizabeth - who is also Lucy sister (while in Nairobi) and will be staying with Lucy’s mom in Molo (which is the correct spelling).

Day three was not good - it started out a little bit uneasy - we were being given the opportunity to go into Nairobi and shop with Victor (I believe him to be a cousin). I was uneasy because I was unsure of where to leave my equipment. I have been very concerned about this from the beginning. It’s not that I’m worried about theft of the equipment itself - that can all be replaced. It’s that theft of the equipment means theft of the entire project.

As it turns out we were to be leaving all our stuff in the home of Elizabeth. She was going to work and her cousin Victor would pick us up at 8:00 am and take us for a quick trip through Nairobi via matatu. A matatu is the public transport of Kenya. It’s a little scary at first - they drive fast and furiously. They crowd people in quite tight and generally they are only 20 shillings (maybe 30 cents American) - you pay that once and you can ride for sometime. They stop when people want out and they pick you up when you call upon them. There is no schedule and no designated pick-up points but there are many matatus. So one is always near by.

Victor was a little late arriving and we got on the matatu only to run into a major traffic jam. This put the pressure on us to be able to return on time for our ride to Molo. I think we were both (Jordi and I) a little anxious to get to Molo. We really had a full tour of Nairobi and it is a great city to be sure. Having gained independence from England relatively recently the city of Nairobi had many monuments and heros who were a part of the struggle to gain independence. This happened in 1963.

The tour and the subsequent return to Elizabeth’s house was very long and both of us (Jordi and I) were worried because we didn’t want to travel in the dark. When we finally started driving to Molo (after a struggle to get the trunk open) - it was 3:30. It was good just to be on the road and the car got us all the way back but by American standards it was not road worthy. This made me a little nervous and Samuel was quite the speedy driver and passing on those roads seemed quite risky and we barely made it many times. And we nearly rear ended many vehicles and we were nearly rear ended many times and it was very difficult to sit back in the back seat. Something was wrong with the exhaust system too and the smell of gas fumes was difficult for me - over a three and a half hour drive.

This alone would have been quite stressful. I’m not sure if Samuel was driving like this because it’s just how he drives or a concern to not be on the road after dark. Unfortunately we came to a police check point (more solider like then police) and one fellow picked us out right away. He motioned for us to move off the road. He was a very large man with a very large gun, an AK-47 (which was pointed right into Jordi’s chest) he started in on “why are you not wearing your seat belts? - Do you think we take this offense lightly?" He was VERY angry - and yelling - over not wearing seat belts. I knew something was up. He asked for passports and ID.

I went to put my belt on as quick as I got into the car and found there were no seat belts in the back seat. It made no difference to this man of course. Then the he told Jordi to get into the back with me. The gun barrel was nearly touching Jordi’s chest. Jordi asked why he had to get into the back? I found the question to be rather funny (because there was a gun barrel nearly touching his chest! - seemed a good reason to me). I pointed out to the man that there was no room in the back - with the luggage we had. Seriously, this was a very small car and there was barely enough room for me. He said get in the back - we had to sit upon one another it was humiliating (Jordi said this later) and also incredibly uncomfortable. We squeezed two full-size men into a space too small for one. The man was finally able to get the door closed. It was like when you over-pack a suitcase and you need to really work to get the latches closed. Only with people.

The man got into the front seat and continued to harass us but mostly Samuel now. I couldn’t see Samuel but Jordi was unnerved because he could see his face and he was clearly worrying and panicking. Samuel was also begging the man to let us go and for leniency. The man told Samuel to drive down a different road and Samuel did. He said we’d all get a proper interrogation at the station and wanted to know if we’d like to sleep at the police station tonight? He accused us of disrespecting Kenya and their laws. He was very angry.

Finally he said we could pay a fine for the seat belt transgression - 6,000 shillings (nearly half a years wage in Kenya). He refused to let us out of the car till we paid. The problem was that neither of us were able to get to our money. We couldn’t physically get to our pockets / wallets. We were packed so tight. After many efforts we had to tell him it was impossible he’d have to let us out. Which he finally did. As I was getting out of the car Samuel looked at me and said "don't worry Daniel, it'll be OK", - the man said "why should Daniel worry"? I'm guessing I must have looked pretty shaken.

Unfortunately in my effort to pull cash for him I had accidently pulled out about ten $100 bills and they had fallen on the seat. I noticed them and grabbed them quickly - but he saw them too. This was over 80,000 KHS - a small fortune in Kenya. He spoke in Kiswalhili for the first time. He told Samuel he wanted the $100’s too. I have to say that for as bad as this experience was the fact that Samuel was able to convince him not to take the $100’s is amazing. This all happened in Kiswalhili so I don’t have the details. It was a part of the money I brought to help at the Center. He could have taken that, he had a gun on us, we were on a deserted road, he could have taken all my equipment, laptop anything he wanted.

He didn’t.

He wasn’t starving like so many you see there. He was quite healthy. No doubt his position as a policemen / solider afforded him many bribes and I’m sure he was doing well... what we gave him was quite substantial. I don’t think you can be angry with people in circumstances such as these for actions such as these. Samuel told him the money was for the helping the children in Molo. He mad a decision not to take it. It’s hard to explain really, but this man did something incredible he did the right thing.

Jordi and I came up with the 6,000 shillings. And the man then began talk friendly with Samuel. Had him turn around and we were released. It was a terrible way for me to start this whole thing and I don’t think I will be over it to soon. I mentioned to the group that in the US that would be considered kidnapping - and one of the African guests said it was kidnapping in Africa too. It was against Kenyan law for the man to even enter the vehicle. Kenya is quite corrupt.

It could have been far worse. It creates an enormous and difficult dilemma for me also. My mission here is to create a web site who’s primary purpose will be to attract IV’s. So do I share this rather troubling experience? It certainly wouldn’t be something many would be drawn to. But not sharing about it would be a little disingenuous. I really can’t even blog about it or discuss it. I’ll wait on deciding how to handle this in the context of the entire experience. At this point I really need to give it a little bit of time. Perhaps if this turns out to be the worst or if even the only bad experience then maybe it’s not so bad.

July 15th 2008 - DAY TWO, Jounal-Molo, Kenya

Flying in planes and sitting in airports, all day. The first two days were a blur - two days of solid exhausting travel. It’s very late here in Nairobi and I really should be in bed sleeping. Instead I’m siting in bed typing. I met Patrick and his wife Panina tonight at the airport and I have to say it was quite a relief to see them standing in the large crowd of folks waiting on arrivals holding up a sign that had my name on it. Also on the back of the sign was the name of another volunteer who also arrived last night his name is Jordi Calsina, he’s from Barcelona, Spain.

While it is fresh in my mind I want to describe the feeling of getting off the plane for the first time. I’ll admit I was a bit unnerved by this because I had no idea what to expect. Hopefully my experience (and sharing it) well set others at ease. This will apply to anyone arriving in Nairobi. The first thing to know is that everyone seems quite friendly and also most speak English quite well. So you should not hesitate to ask questions. While still on the plane they announced about getting your Visa not much in the way of the process or where to go, but they handed out the forms and it gave me plenty of time to fill out the paper work.

First thing then is be sure to bring a pen with you. I had to borrow one from the stewardess - I didn’t think I’d have a need for one - but just be sure you have it. As soon as you get off the plane you will follow the signs that take you to the visa/immigration exits. You have to take care of this before you can get your luggage. Since I had just gotten off the plane, with many others, the lines to get the Visa were quite long. However - for some reason someone grabbed me and said follow me (I did) and he basically took me around the corner to another “area” similar to the first crowded one but with very few people in line. Jordi had the same experience.

ADDENDUM ITEM: Another volunteer (Casey from Chicago) didn’t get so lucky - he waited nearly two hours.

Also, I was required to fill out a form for Swine Flu - it was a quick one sided form with a few basic health questions. I got the visa relatively easily - but if I had not been grabbed and moved as I was - it would have taken hours. I sat in a bar at the airport with Patrick and Panina and had a Coke and both are quite nice and dedicated to the Chazon group. We were waiting for Jordi to arrive. Patrick is Lucy's brother and he has become the official greeter at the airport and also depending on when you arrive he may be the one to drive you to Chazon. I’m told this is a three to three and half hour drive. After Jordi arrived we were both taken to Elizabeth’s house Lucy and Patrick’s sister where we enjoyed a delicious traditional Kenyan meal - it was a good hour drive from the airport to Elizabeth’s home.

ADDENDUM ITEM 2: Do not shoot photos at the Nairobi airport! They will take your camera! It's not aloud by or around any goverment building of location. Be careful even a post office counts. :)

July 14th 2008 - DAY ONE, Jounal-Molo, Kenya

I’m on the plane, my second, flying over the Atlantic with an episode of the Simpson’s playing in front of me. I’m on route to Amsterdam. The first flight was from Minneapolis to Boston and went well. For the first time in my life the connecting flight was right near the gate I landed at :) I hope that’s a sign that things well be going well. I got past security in Minneapolis though it was not a simple thing. All my bags with the film equipment were thoroughly searched. My vest (on loan from Brian Blight) made it through without a search or even a question - this worried me most. I loaded the photographers vest with as much as I could, the laptop case my “personal bag” (with as much as I could) and my new backpack (with as much as I could). Still there were many things I had to leave behind.

I feel like this is going to be an interesting study in independent filmmaking. I’m completely independent and will handle everything by myself. Directing, shooting, sound, lighting (lighting is one reflector) the entire film is on me, there’s no crew, no help. The equipment mix is based on what fits in carry-on only. And where I could afford it there are actually duplicate items. I have duplicate items for almost everything.

It’s hard to believe but there are about 15 different things, of which, if just one fails the entire project stops. If the video camera battery recharger fails - there will be no more shooting, if the laptop charger fails, I will not be able to off-load the video (to shoot more). If any of the connecting cables are lost or damaged or if the electrical conversion equipment fails (Africa to US) the whole project stops. It’s all just additional pressure and worry to what is otherwise already stressful (i.e. going to Africa for a month).

There are just three things in my stowed luggage to be used in the filmmaking process. I have a roll of gaffers tape, a very light weight stand for a microphone and another for holding my reflector. In the last minute I bought a fairly good lavaliere microphone system and when I’m done with this journal entry I’ll take out the manual for it and try to learn how to use it before I land.

I’m hoping to buy a shop light or two somewhere. I think in this small mix of brought and bought stuff there may be just enough equipment to shoot a film. A high quality film. I’m only saying “may be” in regards to my ability to technically pull it off. I know there’s a great documentary film here - in the subject of international volunteering, in the people of the subject, in the children and in Africa. During the brief lay-over in Boston I took my second dose of anti-malaria medication. There are risks involved in the “practice” of international volunteering - many actually and I have had friends and family express real concern and also some serious attempts to try and talk me out of it. To be completely honest I couldn’t be more uncomfortable then I currently am.

Tomorrow I will either be meeting Lucy’s husband Samuel or Lucy’s brother - maybe both. I don’t know what either of them look like. I believe I will be staying at Lucy’s brothers home for the night as the plane arrives late. Lucy (along with her husband Samuel) act as the directors of the Chazon Children’s Centre. I will spend my first night in Nairobi. Then the following day I will drive with Samuel to Molo or Malo Kenya (I’ve seen it spelled two different ways). I will be there in an effort to help primarily with fund raising. My role/purpose/goal will be to gather content to help create a web site for the Chazon Children’s Center. The purpose of this web site will be to attract International Volunteers to the Chazon. The ambiguity re: who will pick me up is just one of many things that we will be clarifying on the new web site. Of all the places in the world where I could have landed to serve I can’t imagine there’s a better place better suited to what I can offer then Chazon.

When one makes the decision to leave all the comforts of home to serve in this manner it’s hard to settle upon where to serve. There are third party groups which will offer some assistance but typically they take most if not all the money themselves, the organization often ends up with little if any. For me this is not the ideal of “International Volunteering “which I find to be so beautiful. Since Chazon does not have a web site and has had very few IV’s - I’m left with so many questions and an enormous amount of anxiety. I will be getting off the plane in Nairobi with no clue about what to do first. That’s why I’m doing this journal. I have a thousand unanswered questions and by living this in a way that is so uncomfortable I will get the answers and experience the unknowns and be able to share these things on the new site I help to build for the Chazon organization.

In my opinion the concept International Volunteering is one of the most beautiful ideas ever conceived. It’s an honor to be an IV (BTW - I have just now officially coined the term IV – International Volunteer) so I will be a part of the film, both it’s making and also as an IV myself. My role as “volunteer” falls under the category of fund raising and I will be specifically doing “marketing”. I am travelling around the world to build a Chazon Children’s Centre brand and web site that will encourage others to come and serve, it’s purpose is to attract and inform volunteers from around the world.. I hope that the film will also be a tool to encourage others to consider volunteering.

The concept of international volunteering involves people from all over the world who have a heart for this work “paying a small weekly” room and board fee - for the privilege of serving some of the most needy and wonderful children in the world. The accommodations are often primitive and the living is hard compared to where most of the volunteers come from. This is part of the experience of it. My hunch is that it’s the volunteers who benefit from this - every bit as much as the children do. In just a few short days I will be living it myself. I’ll let you know if my hunch is right or not.

So it’s pretty exciting and also a little complicated. My role as a volunteer is purely marketing and my project is a documentary film about IV-ing and I have committed that I will take no profits (if there are any from the film). So the project “a documentary about international volunteering” will itself be done entirely on a volunteer basis :) That gives me a great feeling. I think that there could be real momentum behind the project itself because of this factor. In fact I have already had volunteers offer to help with the design of logos and web sites and corporate sponsorship too.

Sitting somewhere beneath me (with my stowed luggage) is a good deal of art supplies donated by the Dick Blick Company. At least I hope they are there! I will be sharing them with the children of both the Chazon Children’s Centre and the Watoto Wa Baraka Orphanage. Much more about WWB to come. I really appreciate the folks at Dick Blick not only for there generous donation that the kids will take great joy in, but also for how it effected me. I was so lifted by this - that I could send out a simple e-mail explaining the project and get such a great response! It’s given me such a RUSH of encouragement!
Thanks DB!

Well that’s enough for today - I think I’ll take in a movie - well I’m still a part of the high - tech world.

another weekend on the trailer

pretty wild how much time i'm putting into one three minute segment of this project. it's not going to be like this with the rest of the film - this has unique challenges and i feel like the song itself is so GREAT - i can't let the trailer come up short of that level. i'm getting close actually. thought i was done and decided late yesterday i'd give the motion graphics development one serious attempt. i'm prepping a second version of the trailer (almost done with that) then i'll pull it into Live Type and see what i can do. i've never used this program nor have i worked in this "field" - so we'll see...

i also pulled in the last comments from stacy buss. pretty amazing final thoughts... makes me feel lucky to be a part of this project. just to have met so many incredibly selfless people. nice to think others may have a chance to be inspired by them too :)

the trailer (not ready yet)

i spent most of this weekend working on and refining the trailer. still not ready but close. a little bit of sound tweaking, maybe i'll finish tonight after work. :)

i'll post it on my private facebook page first, get some feedback from friends and make some further changes i'm sure. what's challenging for me on this is once i put it on youtube i will need to never touch it again (at least that version). there's a finality to this that makes it a struggle to release. i'm not a motion graphics expert (yet) and don't have time to become one (yet).

frankly editing the film is so much easier then creating the trailer.

how can any child be deemed lost? :(

i want share something that happened in africa. i've never shared this publicly - but today i found an email i had sent to a friend a few months ago.

i was with lucy standing outside a restaurant in molo and this cute boy maybe 12 years old was acting a little funny and he was smiling so much. lucy attempted to engage him in a conversation, while i was standing there. she tried to get him to talk and quickly accessed that he was high on glue. what she said to me next was heartbreaking - "so sad, this one is beyond hope he has been sniffing glue". it wasn't that he couldn't be helped, it's just that there are so many children needing help, thousands who have not started down the glue sniffing path. most of them won't get help and the resources in hand can only help so many so they don't even consider helping the kids on glue, they are deemed lost.

how can any child be deemed lost? :(

lucy is one of the most compassionate people i have ever met and she and samuel have sold off most of their meager possessions and samuel said "we are willing to lose everything to help the children" so this is not a matter of them not caring, it's a matter of lacking resources and of being the people on the frontline having to make unbelievably hard decisions, which children to take in and which child will have a future.

some how we need to find a way to help these kids too. i think there is a future for me in this arena. i did some research on rehab for kids addicted to glue sniffing, it takes just 30 days to detox completely. the root cause is poverty (outside of developed countries) and this is not just an issue in Africa it's all over the world. but i know i'm called to africa, specifically molo kenya - so once we get things really stable at Chazon, sustainable funding and a consistent stream of international volunteering then maybe we add this outreach or start a new one.

getting close to the kids

editing stacy's story is going well and i'm wisely not worrying about b-roll. stacy's time span is currently at more then 40 minutes and in the end it'll surely be over an hour. it's gonna be tuff to edit back. just about everything stacy says is valid and important. all of it is really well said. editing this down to 20 minutes will be difficult. lots of stuff for extras i guess.

it's really interesting because stacy is presenting a very different take on the whole experience then alicia. and that's great for the film! in fact i'm really seeing two camps - both are great - both quite valid. on one hand there are those like myself and alicia (the Katies also maybe) i think very practical, logistical and very conscience of the basic needs to support the operations and also for the provision to the surrounding area. the other group has a focus on the kids establishing close personal relationships. alicia makes many valid arguments against "going" and i agree with them. but certainly not against what this second camp is doing.

the reason for folks like stacy and jarka and david and marta, casey in going is to connect personally to play, hug, hold and love the kids. at one point stacy described the "needs" children have from a developmental standpoint. keep in mind many of these kids are orphans and the staff really doesn't have the time for a great deal of the one on one attention the kids really need. volunteers bring this.

it's incredible to watch (i didn't have the luxury of participating). i'm a very emotional person, i think i was very comfortable - not getting too close. i didn't have that option any way. there is an element of this that is quite difficult though.

parting :(

it's hard on the kids and it's hard on the volunteers. i didn't (couldn't) get that close to the kids and leaving was still difficult. david who did get quite close, talked about "parting" one of the kids - the oldest and toughest was openly crying as david and marta said goodbye. i have to say though - it's better to go through the parting then not to have had the love. and we know more volunteers will follow - and pick up where others left off.

it's an interesting concept. to be touched over time by perhaps 100's of very caring people from around the world. as a child, perhaps an orphan, how does that effect you? it'd be interesting to follow up with an interview... with a kid who lived that. to know how that impacted them. i'm not saying it's good or bad - we all grow up under different circumstances, to lose your parents though - what could be worse?

stacy's story

i've pretty much finished a ruff cut of alicia's story and i started to add b-roll to it. decided this morning i was not going to continue on that path for now. i'm not sure what will be cut but i know right now it's 40 minutes in length and that's way to long. no point in looking for or applying b-roll until i know what's in or out. that's great though as it means i can start on stacy's story! which is also going to be great!

alicia's story

when i first received an email from alicia bruce (of canada) i knew hers' would be a significant story to tell. she had this incredible selfless future planed and she was so articulate, mostly i felt a kindred spirit with respect to a desire to change the world and a willingness to make the sacrifices to see that happen.

we had a brief cross-over while in africa maybe a little over a week, i had a bad cold and she had allergies so neither of us were sleeping well, we both stayed up late chatting and she confided with me about her disappointment with international volunteering and even bigger issues. her plans and ideals around volunteering were being confronted by certain realities and circumstances. she made plans to leave early.

i was really impressed by her honesty. anyone else would have likely kept quiet and accepted it and made the best of it. she didn't. the amazing thing is how she turned this around - to do something even greater.

so now i'm editing this story and of course i can't reveal the details (no spoilers here :) - but being so taken/impressed by her honesty it actually clouded my ability to see how right she is, why she was disappointed in the experience, the SERIOUS flaws of international volunteering.

she's RIGHT!

it's not until i started to edit her story that i'm finally seeing what she was seeing. i mean i heard her say these things and i knew what she was saying - but bringing it together now - WOW! her going not only changed her plans for the future, it not only changed the lives of many woman and kids in molo, now i'm thinking she may change the whole practice of international volunteering itself. she said "it's powerful" she's referring to an insight she had while there. OMG it's POWERFUL! It's world changing and she said also "i'm lucky i went to Chazon" YES! we all were... it's their approach and sensitivities and understanding that helped all of us to come to significant conclusions and revelations. if the flaw she points out is fixed (and it needs to be) - then it'll completely change the face and approach to international volunteering.

i believe alicia is still just 19 :) - so i think we can expect great things from her in the future.

i'm back - about the music

it's about time i return to blogging and now things are really moving fast and there is much to talk about. i have to do this at least a little each day.

i should talk about music for the film and how amazing and encouraging it is for me. i have been given permission to use five songs for the film thus far and all five are amazing and inspiring! From Moby three songs "We Start", "Scream Pilots (Ambient)", and "Wait For Me". The first two are not publicly available (part of his gratis site) but Wait For Me, is in fact, off his latest album and is the title track - it's such a beautiful song and will be played as we (three volunteers and three of our hosts) walk through Casino a slum in Molo. this experience (a little over an hour of time spent in Casino) has helped to define my life going forward.

Wait For Me

Sleigh Bell's are very graciously allowing me to use "Tell 'Em" for the trailer. The song is powerful both in it's lyrics and with it's delivery. "did you do your best today?" wow - i try to listen to this at least twice a day for personal inspiration.

Tell 'Em

i was recently introduced to a band called "The Farewell Circuit" - i listened to their music and found a song called "Brothers Eyes" it was "moving" to hear this song and i felt it had to be the title track for the film. it was like this song was written for the film. i had no idea how true that was. after contacting the band and telling them about the project i received an email from the songs writer - explaining that he too was in Molo Kenya (we were there at the same time), he was volunteering at the "tent city" that had been set up to help the war refugees, i was there at the chazon children's centre volunteering too. the song was written as a response to his experience in molo. so both the film and the song have the same inspiration. amazing.

Brother's Eyes

The Farewell Circuit well also score the film.

i'm hoping to get "Grace" from U2 and "If I could Be Where You Are" from Enya - i've been so fortunate thus far - it's just all coming together - and it's so encouraging and inspiring to me personally. i'm so grateful to be having such talented musicians being a part of this project... i never dreamt this was possible.