lost files

:( i lost a lot of files to my film and other things. pretty sure i know what happened. one morning while working on one of the somali pieces and i deleted stuff to make render space believing i was backed up. there is an option in final cut, i thought it only eliminated render files - it was far more. i have been able to recover a fair amount but only beginning to realize how much is gone. i was just going to go to bed, but instead i will start the process of recreating all that's lost. i fear it's hundreds of hours of work.

upside down

i think the biggest risk one takes by going, by volunteering isn't malaria or one form of crime or another, it's losing your life completely, having your life irrevocably changed. it's returning and struggling with overwhelming issues, fairness, justice, love, and I think mostly "what must I now do?" how can I move forward in ways that will honor it all? and here's the hardest part - i can't do it! no matter how hard i work, no matter what i do, it'll never be enough... that's the greatest risk. it's impossible to honor properly, and it's impossible to move on and feel you are doing enough. and someone you love is going to be hurt for sure, whether it's family here or family there. in the sum of all things i'd say this - i'd rather be here struggling with this - then to be living selfishly. i've completed 2 of the 3 hard animations - one to go, i'm in the thick of editing danny of TFC's interview, there's lot's to do, but it feels like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel...

i'm the problem

i'm one of those dreamers who wants to change the world - i was even confident about the possibility but now, having actually visited "that world" i realize that "the change" i really need to make is far more personal. it's NOW about me and my life verses ruth and her life. i was 200 hundred pounds over-weight (over-eating all my life), living in a house valued at a quarter million, 30 acres, horses, closets full of clothes, and stuff everywhere. over-consuming.

and i look at ruth's life - she's living in a house with one room, with 6-7 others, no electricity, no running water, her skin is parched (lucy thinks she may have aids) her parents died from it - God, she's so tiny, she's like 11 but she looks no more then 7-8. she shows all the signs of malnutrition and she has had a stick lodged in her ear - for the last 2 years. they can't afford to take her to a doctor.

me vs. ruth - to see this and say it's not fair is such an understatement. even to say it's wrong is not quite getting to it. it's evil. and it's not the world trade organization, it's not about the effects of imperialism a hundred years ago or 40 years ago - or this or that government or this or that ideology. it's me. i'm the problem. i don't need to change the world i need to change me.

i wish

do you ever just sit down in front of your computer - and open up a doc or a blog and look at that blank page and wish that you could say something amazing? something that will inspire people to take action? something that will make people care a little more? give a little more?

i do.

a plan

i hope i'm back on track with the film. i actually have a plan in mind now. here it is.

mornings at caribou to work on the jarka texting animations (or the occasional blog :) about 7.5 hours per week.

lunch hour will be spent on all my other obligations:

chazonAfrica.org
melonAfrica.org
somaliapeace.org
bravaNutra

that's 5 hours per week

evenings editing the film and creating the art for the feature animations - i need to stay up later. this is the toughest challenge - i'm up at 4 am everyday. but i'm going to commit to 4 hours per evening - 20 hours per week.

weekends: 10 hrs of building renovation there's two hours of driving in there. leave by 7 am - home by 5pm - - 20 hrs per weekend.
2 hours of editing in the morning 5 when i get home.
6 hours of sleep per night

NO FREE TIME:

41.5 hours of film work per week
5 hours of outside web/project work per week
20 hours of building restoration per week
48 hours of mayo clinic work
42 hours of sleep

that's 156.5 hours per week - hmm... there are 168 hours per week - may have to rethink the plan, but for now this is it :)

it's been a great two weeks

i took off some time from work to get some editing done on the film and also (in theory) to close on a building i'm buying. it needs a ton of work but it'll be fun :)

i was suppose to close on the building on aug 1st - the first day of my vacation and that didn't work out. it's a good thing though as i really needed to get the film editing under way... and i have had solid full days of editing which have really put me back in africa. and it's a great place to be and the film is coming out quite well - i have plenty of b-roll and the comments from folks are amazing. how to make it into a story "the story" of "IVing" is the challenge.

i'm taking this morning off from the editing as i need to do a final walk thru of the property at 12:30 - then the closing is at 2:00 - then i'm going straight to the property to build a couple of temp. walls. the plan is for the building to serve as a film / photo / art studio. it's perfect for that with some work... i just didn't feel comfortable sitting at home - i'm at panera and will work on the annimation sequences for the typed correspondance between myself and one particular volunteer :) since we didn't meet in africa her entire role in the film is going to be animated.

my goal is to have the film completed by dec 15th - it's looking unrealistic but this vacation time has helped - i still need to do a lot of filming even on top of the annimation work (i will now need to do that by myself :( also - the filming of the "farewll circuit" or at least a few of the bands members/family. incredible story there - and speaking of the farewell circuit i got a bunch of new music from them and it's so awesome - music is such a huge part of the success of any film, and this music is top notch! well enough blogging time to jump into annimating jarks and my letters!

better human beings make better anythings :)

i have recently purchased a new iPad, the aps for filmmaking are so cool and it's so much cheaper then buying all these other devices. in one small lightweight device i now have a clapboard, a story-boarding drawing pad, a telepromter and so much more... it's actually pretty amazing. so when i was purchasing the iPad Apple asked would i like to "engrave" something on my iPad? it was free and i thought why not? i thought about many different things to put on it, from practical things like contact info - to goofy stuff, but since this was being bought for filmmaking (a tool for filmmaking) i decided to quote myself.

"better human beings make better films"

it's been an amazing experience and certain decisions about how i have approached this film project have proven to be filled with incredible benefits. i have been discussing some of these benefits with other filmmakers and friends lately. one key decision about this project was that it would be a non-profit project and also that i wouldn't even recover my expenses. this has resulted in an incredible willingness on the part of others to collaborate. perhaps the most significant benefit from a financial perspective. this in turn of course is making a far better film another great benefit - but beyond all this is that i have become a far better human being, much more action in all i do. i have always been fairly aware but now i'm actively engaged in change. the desire to do has always been there just not much real doing.

so this is the biggest benefit - self improvement. i now know that all the films i do going forward will be better then they would have otherwise been because i'm better. it'll effect everything from the topics i chose to make films about to how i handle profits to how i handle the topics themselves - all these things will be better... i hope this won't come off as bragging or pride, it's not that... it's actually humbling because it comes with the recognition that i'm very late to this realization :(

and in a bigger view - better human beings make better anythings :)

better human beings make better vets, better firemen, better bankers, better doctors, better mothers, better anythings!